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Zee Says: TIME.com has reported on an impending bacon shortage in their article “Start Hoarding Now: A Global Bacon Shortage Is Coming”. The title of the article is enough to send shivers down our spines and make tears start welling in our eyes. As you read on, it seems more than just our most precious bacon, entire pig herds are declining at a significant rate globally. It is an Aporkalypse! The doomsday of pig (but more importantly, bacon) lovers everywhere! We have had nightmares of the Four Horsemen riding in and gathering little pink piggies to starve pork lovers like us since we read the article. It seems The Aporkalypse is a reality that requires our utmost attention and quick action.

So, MDJ and I will express our passion for bacon and pork to bring the message of love across to pig breeders everywhere (particularly Purefoods and S&R).

Secondly, just like the Doomsday Preppers we would like to share our paranoid action points in case we do stop seeing the little strips of love called bacon, and the overall magic of pork.

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MDJ: People say that love is greatest invention of God. I disagree. It’s bacon – crisp, crackling, sizzling slivers of fat-marbled pork cured in honey, smoked for flavor, and lovingly packed by heaven’s cherubs themselves. I literally cannot think of a bad time to have bacon, or even a bad dish that involved bacon in some shape or form.

Zee: Nothing beats bacon. You wake up as soon as you hear its sizzling in the morning and take a whiff of its salty pork goodness. Bacon is worth waking up for. How can a thinly-sliced piece of meat bring so much joy? I always thought those pieces of love came from a Bacon Fairy and not from a herd of pigs. Something that wonderful has got to come from a magical land.

The Bacon Fairy from Baconlandia (turn left at Honeycured Road, Right at Maple Lane)

I want bacon on everything! I love it with eggs, rice, on a sandwich, on my salad, but most especially just on my plate.

MDJ: And on my plate too, unless you want me to physically assault you in a fit of severe bacon deprivation!

Zee: The article scared me but since it’s basically a supply problem, I will unleash the inner farm girl in me and try to breed my own piggies. This is not at all new to me, and is something I have done so many times.

Zee’s Organic Pig Farm at Laguna circa 2010. On picture from left to right: Pinky, Curly, Shirley, Porky, Mindy, Chunky, Hunky, Billy and Moe.

But since I really can’t hurt any animal, slaughtering, salting and curing the little curly-tailed friends (by the time they turn into adults, I’ve probably named them Porky, Pinky and Shirley and planned out their life), bacon will still be elusive for me in case the Aporkalypse happens. Okay, I just depressed myself…

MDJ: And you’re depressing me too. There isn’t much I believe I can do to stave the coming of The Aporkalypse, so I have resigned myself to simply making sure we enjoy as much as we can of the following pork-loaded masterpieces before the End of Porky Days comes.

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MDJ & ZEE’S TOP 5 MUST-HAVE PORK DISHES BEFORE THE APORKALYPSE ARRIVES

1. Wendy’s Baconator

What else is there to say? Six strips of hickory-smoked bacon on top of 1/2 pound of hot, juicy beef with melted American cheese, ketchup and mayo for a burger that just won’t be denied.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Wendy’s Baconator. But be careful. It can sense fear.

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2. Grams’ Diner’s Burstin’ Breakfast

The menu copy says it all – it’s so big, it’s bursting at the seams with pure porktastic goodness. Bacon, ham, and breakfast sausage served with two fried eggs, home fries and toast. Yes you can!

MDJ is strongly in protest however of the menu suggestion to “share with the hottie at the next table.” Sorry, Zee, but when it comes to pork, sharing is just not an option.

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3. Chic-Boy Cebu Lechon Liempo

This little chunk of love made us gain at least 20 lbs. cumulatively. Days and days of delivery and just obsessing about it for close to 3 months. Their restaurants even have the cutest restrooms labeled “Chick” and “Boy”.

A cheap thrill, a must try and if you’re on those meat-all-you-can diets, go for it!

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4. Purefoods Classic Honeycured Bacon

Classic. Every bite brings in memories of childhood. Some like it ultra crispy and standing stiff like soldiers while others just want it to sag a little when lifted up. A lot of Filipinos probably started their love affair with bacon through this classic.

We pray to high heavens they will continue with this product, the grandmother of all bacon.

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5. CNT Cebu Lechon

Real Cebuanos know that CNT definitely has one of the best lechon. No matter what Anthony Bourdain says. The pork is never overpowered by the spices and it’s tenderness unparalleled. You do have to expect to order a day ahead or line up when you want to purchase some but hey, it’s worth it!

Never a need for any kind of sauce for this one!

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MDJ: This isn’t probably an artery-friendly way of coping with the oncoming Aporkalypse, but what can I say? A pig is a man’s best friend, as they say, and I can’t imagine of a better way to pay tribute to our wonderfully savory, porky friends.

Zee: We cope in any way we can and again, we send out a message to the people of the pork: Breed ’em piggies.

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What are your favorite pork dishes that you think we should try before the global pork shortage arrives? Leave us a comment below, and we’ll make sure to let you know what we think!

6 thoughts on “The Aporkalypse: A Global Bacon Shortage Is Coming

  1. Pingback: How to Survive the Aporkalypse!!! | eat. pray. dance.

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