Zee Says: I like makeup. I really do. Like is an understatement. I adore make-up. It makes me happy. I love spending hours and hours at a makeup counter testing all sorts of colors, looking at the packaging, testing it on my hand, and just taking it all in.
It drives MDJ crazy that I do this. He often has this blank bored look on his face every time I ask, “Should I get the Coral Fantasy or the Coral Paradise?” or “Which blush makes my face seem happier?”
Attendants at Essenses, MAC, Nars, or Shu Uemura know that I just stuff these things in my bag after purchase. Not because I’m saving paper bags, mind you, but because I just want to avoid MDJ face-palming every time he sees yet another teeny-tiny bag of happiness each and every time I step out. I don’t tell him how much it costs either. Price tags are taken out before he freaks out. A girl has to keep some things private, you know. That would be akin to having him accompanying me to the loo.. err.. the little girl’s room.
MDJ: Makeup. Makeup. More and more makeup. Tell me, why does one girl need so much of it?
Zee: “Need” is too strong a word to use. I’m appalled that you should even think that I would “need” makeup!
MDJ: Of course. I apologize. You’re a natural beauty with naturally rosy lips, naturally smoky eyes, and naturally sun-kissed cheeks. You’re absolutely beautiful, and I love you. Of course you wouldn’t “need” makeup! How thoughtless of me to even imply that. Men are pigs, and I’m being one right now. So, about how girls feel about makeup…
Zee: “Lust” would be a better word. Men will never understand the lure of the makeup counter; the beautiful colors all lined up together based on how a girl would feel. Trying on a new lippie that makes you feel like Angelina Jolie for a few minutes is orgasmic.
MDJ: You’re right, I don’t think we will ever relate. Although I imagine the feeling I get when I read the words “ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET! EXTRA RICE ON THE HOUSE!” would be awfully similar…
Zee: That, my dear, it’s why we have been on this “we have to go on a diet” dilemma the past month. If you have emotional eating, some women have emotional beautifying. There are palettes for days when she wants to pretend to be a virginal, blushing teenager, dark smoky ones for a sultry bride-of-Zorro look, vibrant colors that makes everyone think of spring when you step in the room. Of course, there are also the the color palettes for times when you want to look like a Macaw from South America or even Lady Gaga. You’ll never know when you may want to feel like looking that way. For some girls it’s probably often, because I see a lot of Macaws and Lady Gaga’s at the malls, but I don’t know, that may be their natural palette. It sure looks natural.
The point is, you wear and purchase makeup because it evokes positive feelings. Us girls have complicated feelings, thus, more makeup. MAKEUP ALL-YOU-CAN! EXTRA EYEBROW-PLUCKING ON THE HOUSE!! Same thing minus the fat!
MDJ: I guess that’s really beyond a man’s DNA. The only really strong feelings I can remember over the last six months probably revolved around “WANT MEAT!” and “BOOBIES!”. And then I wandered off into the woods to do manly things like drink beer, tinker with my car’s transmission, and hunt for elk. Kind of like the Old Spice Guy, except, you know, manlier.
But going back, what makes a girl want to acquire more and more shades of makeup? I have yet to discern the difference between “Summer Dewdrop Pink” and “Unicorn’s Fantasy Fuchsia,” which are not actual makeup shades, but should be, based on what I’ve read on the labels of your collection.
Zee: Those names have relevance! Hmph! Color and packaging also just draw me to buy more. Admittedly, I’ve acquired some purely because of packaging. Which basically is why makeup prices are horrendous. I don’t think a tiny lump of pigmented powder should cost more than a thousand bucks, but pigmented powder in a shiny black lacquered Chanel container with a teeny, tiny, oh-so-darling mirror on it? Yes, yes, a million times yes! In my head, that is.
MDJ: These are your current favorites. I don’t know how this could ever compare to the delicate beauty of a newborn baby Baconator, but go figure.
Zee: Correction, my LIPSTICK favorites the past few months. Those babies have stopped me turning into Godzilla when sad the past few months. Makeup is therapeutic. It’s therapeutic to painstakingly do one’s face like a geisha. It’s a ritual. Besides, I like to put my Fine Arts degree to good use. My mother spent for a good college education for me to put on makeup, and put it on well! I make my momma proud!
MDJ: And, I hate to admit it, but you make me proud too. There are few joys in a man’s life more precious and sublime than walking hand-in-hand beside a girl whose lips are precisely the shade of a porterhouse steak cooked medium rare.
Zee: You’re a pig. I don’t need to justify my purchases. THEY MAKE ME HAPPY!